I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
send nudes
from the living room?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
