I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
