id be glad to
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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