no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
