This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize