Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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