hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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