he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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