I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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