Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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