this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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