I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
