end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize