I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
