Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
