i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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