We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
