there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
