Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
