dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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