I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
