From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
