A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
