I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
