I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
