Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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