I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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