my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
smell my finger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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