i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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