i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
