...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
