Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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