to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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