when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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