I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize