hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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