I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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