Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize