You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
