Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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