I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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