why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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