I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
