he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
