whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize