My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
