Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
