Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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