I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Randomize
