Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
