I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
