nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
