so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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