The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
