sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize