she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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