Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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