my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
