I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
