sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
