oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize