he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sarcasm needs its own font
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
