so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
