My cat gives me a boner
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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