Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
