Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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