He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
