Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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