Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
