So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
