woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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