She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
