This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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