Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize